You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
