flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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