Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
