Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Did I show you my penis last night?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Vodka?
Forever.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
