just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
