i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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