I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
