New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i will never coherently bang her
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
