Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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