i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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