I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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