Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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