WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
