haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
