nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
