i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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