sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
