I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
