He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
