It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
