Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
