loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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