my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
