i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
