My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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