So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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