don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize