does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
we should paint friendship bongs
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
