while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
