I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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