Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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