im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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