Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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