We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
