I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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