I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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