He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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