you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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