I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
