That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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