i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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