Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
