O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
