i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
