You just made me feel so damn special
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
