no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
