So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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