Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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