I bet he comes in French.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
