I need to stop coming to work sober
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
