the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
