Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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