i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize