I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
