I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have already put on my inside pants.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
