Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
