your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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