i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
