Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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