hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
