OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
