lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
