you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
