She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
