His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
