also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
