He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
