Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
