I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
