Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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