Cold hands, warm shart.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize