i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
