sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
